While Family First likes to stress how to stay together better as a family, the inevitable does happen.
A commonly quoted statistic suggests 50% of all marriages will dissolve, with subsequent marriages failing even more often. Interestingly, during recessions, divorce rates actually decrease as folks stick it out during tough financial times.
If divorce does happen to you or a loved one, here are 7 tips from father’s rights attorney Anne P. Mitchell of Boulder, Colorado, to help make the transition into a two-household life a little easier for the children.
“Your duties to your spouse are largely absolved upon divorcing, but this is absolutely untrue of your duties to your children,” says Mitchell. “You may no longer feel affection for your husband or wife, but if you have kids together, you need to find a way to work together for their sake.”
- Know that your children need an on-going, meaningful relationship with both parents – acknowledge and accept that.
- Never allow your children to hear you disparage your former spouse. Not only does this automatically make them think you don’t want them to spend time with that other parent, but it also “demonizes” half of their own identity since they know they are half of each of you.
- Working together with your former spouse is imperative if your children are under 18. Co-parenting is required even if you’d rather have your former spouse out of your life.
- Your primary goal through the divorce is to maintain a strong relationship with your children. This can be a little easier if you try to understand your ex-spouse’s motivations. They are not always in it for the money or for making your life difficult – even if it seems that way.
- Some laws are really set in stone so trying to fight them is an exercise in futility and will just cost you more of your children’s money. “Get over it,” Mitchell writes. Child support and attorney’s fees are what they are.
- Finger-pointing will always backfire. Most states have “no-fault” divorces and the court holds to those, according to Mitchell. Trying to point out what your ex did wrong won’t work so don’t waste your time (and your attorney’s much-more-expensive time) trying.
- Co-parenting counseling can be a huge benefit for both parties and the children. Many former spouses fear this is an attempt to repair the marriage, according to Mitchell. If parents go in with the sole purpose of finding parenting common ground, it can work well.
To read more about this and much more, look for Mitchell’s book Surviving Divorce and Custody Issues, available at Amazon. You can also find more information on Mitchell’s website, DadsRights.org.
